"You come up the regular way, don't get blown up!"

Hailllll Satan!!! Real Satan! Praise the dark and holy Lord of this world!

Hola bonjour!

Spider here. The itsy bitsy fucking Spider. Today I'm going to explain why I can't just be this or I can't just be that. As you all know, I'm a clown. I started putting on the face paint however 5 years ago. You don't become a clown, you're born one. Now, there was a time in my life where I was really low low low about myself. So low, that dirt sat on top of me. As a little girl, I think I was a cute kid. People told me all the time so I just took their word for it. And when you're a kid, that kinda stuff never mattered to me. I can't say that for all. But when I went home, it was different. The Queen Bitch (my foster mother) would tell me otherwise. She has called me ugly or not so good looking more than she ever complimented me. Which was barely ever. As I grew into a teenager, well at least my feet did, that sorta thing started to matter. I was thirteen when I really started to enter the "lovely" world of puberty. It got from "tra-la-la cartoons!" to "tra-la-la cartoons and do I look too flat chested in this dress?" sorta thing. I'll be honest, I wasn't as ugly as a teenager as I saw, but I wasn't much to look at. I was definitely part of the loser's club. Maybe even the president. Always wore unflattering geeky clothes or everything was baggy. I hid under a hoodie all the time even in the summer time. Moving along, then I am now a woman (snort). And I look different from then. I found confidence somehow and can now feel amazing and do amazing things. I realized what my foster mother and foster sisters said was all because they were jealous. They knew that I had so much energy and drive and even though I have an extremely wild imagination, that whatever I wanted and whatever I wanted to be, I was gonna do it. Oh and when someone makes it a point to make fun of your looks everyday and night, when nothing is wrong with you, then it's blatantly due to jealousy. Oh and you can't spell jealousy without LOUSY.

I left that hellhole at 17. Made my way back and forth from town to town in eastern PA and my city NYC. I ended up enrolling myself in a Job Corp center just to take on a trade. Ya know, learn a new skill that maybe I could turn into a career. I graduated. But yet something inside me wasn't really all about electrical. I was too silly for that shit! Fuck, I even graduated from a no longer existing IT school and have an associates in Computer Networking and I don't even remember half that shit.

I wanted to pursue so many careers. I first wanted to be a volcanologist. I still do 😄. Then I wanted to be a science teacher. Then I wanted to do voice acting and I still do. Something about bringing a cartoon to life with my voice sounds incredible. Now I'm a sideshow clown street performing wise ass, trying to move up on the circus scale. I don't mind starting off small like this. No one just hands Spider opportunities ya know. It has never worked that way for me. When you start off from the bottom, you get laughed at and teased and called a wannabe. Oh well. 🎃. I'm not even trying to be famous. I just wanna do circus work everyday of my life. I like that most people don't know who I am. I'm kinda in the shadows ya know. Like "Who's Clawdette Smm Smm? Who's "Fangs" The Clown?! Who is this girl???"

There's not a day that goes by that people don't tell me to be a model, do theatre, am I a comedienne, why am I not a voice actress. With those very words, I know I'm more than an electrician, IT chick, clerk, or whatever lousy job I had to support myself. I like to make people laugh. I like the attention. I like to turn my pain into something special. Like doing dangerous things for applause or sickened reactions. I like being me. And whenever people ask me why I can't just do something regular, I'm gonna send them to this entry link. Cuz I don't want to. I wanna do what my satanic soul tells me. And if that mean impaling myself with swords and staple guns, then alright!!! And all of you, my readers of which there are probably none, should do what your soul says too. As long as it's not hurting anybody, then do it. 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

Get It Right. I HATE Body Shamers, not FAT people!

Dear people who probably don't read my blog,

Hail Satan!! Hello, how are ya? I'm on another rampage again as always. I have a strong view on body shaming. I have a stronger say from a thin person's point of view because I am in fact THIN. I get multiple complaints all the time about the things I post on the internet so I'm use to it. And yes in fact by posting it, I KNOW I've opened it up for discussion. I like a public forum because I get to see what other people think and if there are actually humans in this stupid world who actually agree with me. Ah 2016, the year of Everyone's Offended.

When you hear or read 'body shaming', a mean group of skinny people are picking on someone who is chubby, overweight, or morbidly obese may come to mind. You see it on television shows, movies, magazines, comedy jokes, even in books. Majority of the time it's usually girls. "Skinny" petite girls flaunting their "skinniness" and oppressing fat women. This subject is rather controversial.

There always has been, but mostly within the past 2 years, skinny or thin shaming has been peaking. "Real women have curves, bones are for dogs", "Of course I'm plus sized, it means I don't have the body of a 12 year old boy", "Any boy can drive down a straight road, but it takes a man to handle the CURVES." Or my favorite is this picture of a deathly skinny girl and the other side is Marilyn Monroe and the caption says "When did this (referring to deathly skinny girl) become hotter than this (Marilyn)? Real women have curves". That's nice right? Way to defend your own body type by bringing down another, eh? And I have researched the subject and the difference between overweight and obesity. The difference between curves and being OBESE. I was underweight as a teenager, I had an obese adopted family that teased me everyday for being the only skinny one in the family. I have had my share of being called skinny bitch, toothpick, twig, bones, anorexic, blah-dee-fucking-blah. So I suppose because I use personal experience on this subject, all anyone can see is that I'm being cruel and inconsiderate and vengeful to all big people and my bigger friends and acquaintances. Just another shit talking skinny bitch right? I don't have scientific evidence proving that there is a difference between being curvy and being obese. It is just common sense. There's nothing more realistic than speaking from your own experience. And I feel like the women who thin shame should know the difference before they decide to make fun of smaller women.

I know we are all not meant to be the same size. Yes I am aware there are healthy thin people and healthy fat people. Obesity however, is a proven scientific fact, IS NOT HEALTHY. And obese people shouldn't be encouraged to continue to be obese otherwise we probably won't see them for much longer. Obese women are the main ones, not the only ones, who talk shit on skinny or thin women because they are not happy with themselves. It happens both ways. I recently posted a cartoon that upset a few people I know on my facebook. I posted it not meaning any harm but to show there was a difference between curvy and obese. Yeah I could see how it's offensive considering the side of the cartoon showing the fat women, showed them looking slobby. I thought it was interesting because those are the type of women I personally experienced engaging in shaming thin women. I posted it looking at it from my own point of view. Which is fine or should be since it's my facebook page. But I got some messages and comments about it stating that it's rude and cruel. One message from a girl who actually posts shit constantly shaming thin women too lolololol. She said I hurt her feelings. I will say this once, I posted it just because. I saw it online, thought it made a valid point, which it did, and shared it. Just like everyone on social media does. And you don't have to agree with it. And that's fine. Like I said I made it open for discussion. It wasn't to personally attack one individual. The cartoon showed "fat acceptance spouters idea of curvy", the picture of the heavier not so flattering women. If you felt like that applied to you then maybe me posting the cartoon is not the problem. Maybe you are angry with yourselves. Because all I said was there was a difference. Just like I'm sure other people's posts aren't meant to cause harm either, right? I'm not okay with body shaming as a whole. However one shouldn't be overlooked than the other. I can't say this or show it from a fat woman's perspective because I'm not fat. Genetics are involved and health issues are the reason people are the way they are. I don't think fat shaming is nice, but I also don't think obesity should be encouraged. I don't think skinny and thin shaming is right either. And it shouldn't be brushed under the rug just because people think skinny and thin is the right body type to be or the perfect one. No one is PERFECT. Not me or you. So, I'll end this here. I don't hate fat people, I hate body shamers. Please get it right. That's all.

Spider

Hail Satan!!! 🎃🎃🎃🎃