Upcoming Shows 2023

HAIL SATAN!!!! HAIL SMM SMM!!!!

Hello readers of which there is probably none!

I know it's been an awful long time since I've actually written anything. I'm still living the carny life and working a lot in my sideshow work. Let me say it's been great! Just last year one of my sideshow dreams came true. I finally got to work the grind at Coney Island USA at the Sideshow. I also got to perform in Las Vegas with the Stolen stitches the troupe I'm in. As well as working a corporate gig for an new rock musical called the Tattooed Lady. I also made it in the paper for a show I was not able to be in 😆. Yeah finally Clawdette wasn't stuck in the background for a change.

Anyhow here is my sideshow schedule for this year! Upcoming shows of where I'll be and what not! Hope I see cool people there! I will update if anything changes because I'm am still waiting on confirmation from certain gigs. But check it out, I get to go back to motherfucking New Orleans 🎃🎃🎃🎃!

www.facebook.com/theprettybrownclown666

Booking: theprettybrownclown666@gmail.com

Instagram: @prettybrownclown666

Upcoming Shows

Hail Saaaaaaaatan! Hailllllll Smm Smm!!!!

Dear Readers of which there are probably none,

I currently have my Facebook deactivated. So to see how many people even look at this smut I call a blog lol, I will post my upcoming gigs here. Solo and in my sideshow groups. Shemhamforash! 🎃🎃🎃🎃

2020 Gigs involving Pretty Brown Clown

February 28th CLAWDETTE SMM SMM Drippin' Melanin @ULTRA LOUNGE - Pittsburgh, PA 10:30 doors 11:00p-2:30am

February 29th THE STOLEN STITCHES@ Valentine Sister's Big Top Bazarre FABULOUS PINTO MANSION- Pittsburgh, PA 9pm-11pm

March 8th THE STOLEN STITCHES@ The Southern Sideshow Hootenany, Cafe Instanbul- New Orleans, LA

March 28th THE STOLEN STITCHES The Mag Bar@- Louisville, KY 10pm

March 30th THE STOLEN STITCHES Bloody Mondays@ Cosmic Charlie's- Lexington, KY Doors 8:30 show starts 9pm

*Some events are subject to change*

Allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is...

CLAUDETTE!

Not Claudia. Not Claudine. Not Colette. Not Charlotte. Not Chandelier.

Though you may know me as Clawdette Smm Smm. Or "Fangs" The Clown. But short for all those is Spider. Just Spider will do.

I raise tarantulas. Sometimes breed them. I have been doing that for about 10 years now. I study arachnology. I have been doing that since the 6th grade. Even though I didn't go to college for it. I just get a joy and pleasure out of studying arachnids and teaching others about it. No I don't care about snakes or other reptiles. They are not the same.

I was born and raised for a while in NYC. I have also been almost all over PA. I am a former foster child since birth.

I practice satanic voodoo. I am a Devil Worshipper. That is not a game I play. I really do it. So make sure you read that again.

I clown around. There's never a day I don't tell jokes. I like to make people laugh. And when things go wrong I find something funny about that too. When I am not working a normal person job, I am a local sideshow and street performer in Pittsburgh. That's probably how most of you know me. If you read any of my profile, you will get why I put things in my mouth and down my throat for a living. So please zip ya pants back up. And come see me at a show if you wanna get to know me.

Facebook messenger is not a good way to get a hold of me. So bare with me and give me a chance to respond....eventually.

Aside from being a devil worshipping, two-bit New Yorker, and spider loving clown, I am a new mother. Yes I have a child. I'm not sorry boys 🎃🎃🎃.

What do I look like? I am Blatalian. My made up name for black, latina, and Italian. I am proud to be so. So if you are suddenly surprised by my posts about racism, just know I've been talking about it before you and will talk about it after you. 🎃

I don't hang out much. Only with a few clowns. I am mostly alone. But I'm cool with it. But I'm not antisocial. I can talk the hind leg off a mule. I drink occasionally. Have a cigarette here and there. I don't do any other drugs.

I am not really goth. I am not really punk. I am not really scene or whatever the hell any other category is I've been put in. I'm Spider. Itsy bitsy fucking Spider. I don't have a political party. I like who I like. I hate who I hate. I am not up with the times lol. I am not into lashes or threading my eyebrows. I don't wear weave. I don't wear leggings or yoga pants. I never got my nails done. I own nothing name brand. I wear garters and tights and little shorts and skirts. My hair is mostly in two ponytails all the time. That's how you will see me. Just in case you have suggestions like I've had in the past on my fashion sense. That's how you'll get me. My clothing and jewelry are blasphemous and sometimes have curse words on them. Don't be surprised now. I just told you. And it's in all my pictures 🎃. I have a size 12 foot, legs that go all the way up to my tits, and a little behind. No disappointment if I told you and you see me in real life 🎃. I am not vegan. I am not vegetarian. I'm an omnivore. I am straight. I drink hot tea all the time. My real jokes that I write are not perverted at all. I only date one person at a time. I do watch horror movies but I am not that over the top with it. I like manga and anime but I don't dress up. I hope you're getting this. Hate to leave anything out. Oh and don't forget, I'm talking about who I am. Not knocking who you are.

Still with me? Okay. I am not sure if I missed anything but these are the things I should clarify before you remain my social media friend. I don't plan on changing myself or my beliefs to accommodate anyone. I like me. In fact I love me. I like to get to know different people. We are all not suppose have one way brains. So I listen and see different things everyday from people not like me. If you are alright with me, cool. If you're not, also cool. I'm not for everyone. Everyone is not for me. But don't get so astonished about me when I just told you. 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

HAIL SATAN!!!! HAIL SMM SMM!!!!

Dear Satan, I failed at sodomy...

HAIL SATANNNNN! HAIL SMM SMM!!!! I praise you dark and unholy lord!!!

Dear Satan,

You will be pleased with everything I am going to tell you. I have failed at my natural form of birth control, sodomy!!! I have fornicated the right way and the outcome is, I'm now bearing a satanic child! At first I didn't know how to feel, but now I am A-Okay with it. The fact that he was created in sin and is illegitimate is the perfect ingredient for another slave of the unholy lord. I can't really do the things I could before. Like some of my sideshow stunts. But I continue to be death defying 👻! My thoughts on the feelings of being pregnant.......It sucks! I love to feel the child move and kick me, but I don't like being fat and in pain. I have breasts now too. I take back ever being envious of busty girls. It sucks! Not only that, I can't sleep, everything I eat disagrees with me, my stomach is in the way, and well, it's all together uncomfortable. I cannot wait til it's over. I sure picked a fine time to fornicate. I'll be pregnant alllllll summer long 😥😥😥. But forever yours and Smm Smm I remain! I can't wait to talk about all the experiences of being a pregnant satanist clown! 🎈🎈🎈 That's all for now.

Love Dreadfully,

Clawdette Smm Smm

Hail Satan! HAIL SMM SMM!

Letters To Satan 4: I want to leave the planet 🌎

HAIL SATAN!!!! HAIL SMM SMM!!!! I PRAISE YOU DARK AND UNHOLY LORD!

Dear Satan,

I want to leave the planet! I can't take these humans anymore. People tell me that I'm "going the wrong way", but soooooo are they. You are the mastermind behind their wicked ways and they can't even thank you for it. When will people realize that they can't do Godly things and satanic things and then call themselves children of God. There's a very fine line between "nobody's perfect". I've embraced my imperfection and have continued to go along with it. Instead of purposely doing shitty things and then blaming it on being imperfect. I'd like to be in a universe where people aren't mindless little drones that gobble up anything you tell them is the truth. Although we'll all know the truth when the end of the world gets here. And that's very soon I'm sure. The world has turned into one political toilet and the humans who really believe that stuff are just the unflushed piss and shit keeping that toilet company. When will they realize that you unholy lord are why there are human leaders? Even though I worship you I do believe in God. And God is also very angry at this world. But he made it and this is where we are. He is mad at his own creations and maybe some of us just don't think that's fair. Considering he gave us the ability to think anyhow for ourselves. It's like a huge game of chess being played all over the world. Only I don't wish to be one of the players anymore. That's all for now until the next letter.

Love,

Clawdette Smm Smm ❤

What's With all The Anal???

Hail Satan!!!! Hail Smm Smm!!!! I praise you dark and unholy Lord!!!!

Hello Satan!! Hi readers of which there are probably none 🎃!

Seriously what is with all this talk of sodomy coming from me the devil woman? Why is it every other week or day am I making so many anal sex jokes or posting word pictures about the forbidden sex!??? What the fuck is wrong with me? You may ask. I'll tell you what's wrong. I'm a fucking pervert 🎃. Two, it twas another experiment that has turned into another one of my things. And seriously who doesn't enjoy anal? It's funny. And I'm clown. I am all about funny. Oh and it hurts too sometimes 🎃🎃🎃🎃.

So ya know how I've mentioned plenty of times that only old people think my jokes are funny? The younger people just don't seem to get my jokes. I mean when I really look at it, they are corny but clean jokes. I always hated when ever I see a comedienne though, that they just can't fucking perform a comedy skit without telling the same old sex jokes, period jokes, and of course talking about vagina this vagina that. I never want to resort to that kinda thing just to get people to like my performances on stage or when I street perform. I think my skills are talented enough to intrigue people. But even if not I really don't care, because it doesn't stop me from continuing to do it.

So here's what I had decided to do. My joke telling online wasn't really getting a kick. Which I thought was funny. I'm like "I wouldn't like my corny jokes either" 😄😄😄. But one day I was just scrolling through spacebook and looking at the same old bullshit I usually see. And I'm like, I betcha if I told sex jokes people would getta kick outta that. And what's the funniest sex jokes but anal sex and blow job jokes. And wouldn't ya know almost everyone thinks it's funny. So basically adding sexual content to any joke makes it almost instantly funny these days. Rats! I liked my joke about the upside down cake 😒😒😒. So looking at my scale, I got more laughs telling anal jokes than spider jokes. Fuck this world!!!

Not only is it fun to joke about anal, but it's the best free birth control ever!!!! Sure sitting down might be painful for a few days, but think about it. You don't have to feel the pain of child birth instead! Satan wants you to practice sodomy. It's stress relieving for you and your partner. Even if your partner just happens to be a dildo, a pineapple, or gerbil or some other type of rodent 🐭. You'll never have to pull out again! Just wash really good before and after. God is just trying to keep you from this fun activity.* 🎈🎈🎈🎈🎃🎉🎉🌟✨

*these opinions were not determined by Mayonnaise Clinic. Please consult with your doctor before trying anal sex. Non doctor paid spokesclown 🎈

That's all for now!

Hail Satan! Hail Smm Smm!! Shemhanforash!!!!

Letters to Satan 3: It's not easy being Satanic

HAILLLLLL SATANNNNN!!!! DARK AND UNHOLY LORD I PRAISE YOU!!!

Dear Satan,

SIIIIIIIIIGH!!!!! It's totally not easy being satanic in a world where people don't realize that they are satanists too. Why won't people just embrace you and admit what they are like I have. They must be afraid of fake hell!!! Haha! You gave us all this fun stuff to do here on earth and we sinful souls can't help but to do it because it's our nature. So Satan, I have been smoking cigarettes for the past two months. Not constantly but in moderation. I used myself as an experiment to see what changes when you smoke cigarettes. So far here's what I have experienced:

1. You smell like cigarettes- No matter how much gum you chew and perfume or cologne you put on, you reek of lung suckers! Plus, when other people smell like them you can't even tell anymore.

2. They dry out your fucking nose and mouth!!!- Fuck do I ever have to moisturize my nostrils like a lunatic!! And now I get why my brother always had something to drink when he smoked. 🚬

3. You chisel your wallet!!!- Even though I don't feel the need to smoke, during this experiment it felt like every week and half I felt the need to buy a pack. Even though one pack lasted me a week in the beginning. Towards the end of this month, it was like a pack after 4 days! I coulda had a new tarantula by now!!!

4. Cigarettes made me more self aware- I don't know about most smokers, but I have felt a lot more down on myself and insecure during the experiment. Checking my teeth, sniffing my hair, using fucking eye drops. It's exhausting!! And I don't know if I should cheer or feel like crud, but I have gotten hit on a lot less.

Anyhow Satan, readers, the experiment is over. Now I can see from a smokers point of view and cough 😀. But all smokers are different. Like I said, I don't feel the need to smoke. I can smoke one day and not do it for the next two weeks. And not feel like I'm missing anything. Other than the 4 things I described above. Smoking definitely was brought to us by you Satan. I'll miss the 5 minute breaks at work 😞😞😞😞😞! I mean, why respect life anyhow if where just "going to die" 🎃🎃🎃. That was meant to be funny by the way. I also notice that most smokers usually call themselves "people of God". Hahaha! What a joke! According to God, killing yourself is a sin. The irony. Surrounded by oblivious Satanists who feel like they're worshipping God! 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃 That's all for now.

Hail Satan!!!! Hail Smm Smm!!! Shemhamforash!!!!!