Letters to Satan 3: It's not easy being Satanic

HAILLLLLL SATANNNNN!!!! DARK AND UNHOLY LORD I PRAISE YOU!!!

Dear Satan,

SIIIIIIIIIGH!!!!! It's totally not easy being satanic in a world where people don't realize that they are satanists too. Why won't people just embrace you and admit what they are like I have. They must be afraid of fake hell!!! Haha! You gave us all this fun stuff to do here on earth and we sinful souls can't help but to do it because it's our nature. So Satan, I have been smoking cigarettes for the past two months. Not constantly but in moderation. I used myself as an experiment to see what changes when you smoke cigarettes. So far here's what I have experienced:

1. You smell like cigarettes- No matter how much gum you chew and perfume or cologne you put on, you reek of lung suckers! Plus, when other people smell like them you can't even tell anymore.

2. They dry out your fucking nose and mouth!!!- Fuck do I ever have to moisturize my nostrils like a lunatic!! And now I get why my brother always had something to drink when he smoked. 🚬

3. You chisel your wallet!!!- Even though I don't feel the need to smoke, during this experiment it felt like every week and half I felt the need to buy a pack. Even though one pack lasted me a week in the beginning. Towards the end of this month, it was like a pack after 4 days! I coulda had a new tarantula by now!!!

4. Cigarettes made me more self aware- I don't know about most smokers, but I have felt a lot more down on myself and insecure during the experiment. Checking my teeth, sniffing my hair, using fucking eye drops. It's exhausting!! And I don't know if I should cheer or feel like crud, but I have gotten hit on a lot less.

Anyhow Satan, readers, the experiment is over. Now I can see from a smokers point of view and cough 😀. But all smokers are different. Like I said, I don't feel the need to smoke. I can smoke one day and not do it for the next two weeks. And not feel like I'm missing anything. Other than the 4 things I described above. Smoking definitely was brought to us by you Satan. I'll miss the 5 minute breaks at work 😞😞😞😞😞! I mean, why respect life anyhow if where just "going to die" 🎃🎃🎃. That was meant to be funny by the way. I also notice that most smokers usually call themselves "people of God". Hahaha! What a joke! According to God, killing yourself is a sin. The irony. Surrounded by oblivious Satanists who feel like they're worshipping God! 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃 That's all for now.

Hail Satan!!!! Hail Smm Smm!!! Shemhamforash!!!!!