Letters To Satan 4: I want to leave the planet 🌎

HAIL SATAN!!!! HAIL SMM SMM!!!! I PRAISE YOU DARK AND UNHOLY LORD!

Dear Satan,

I want to leave the planet! I can't take these humans anymore. People tell me that I'm "going the wrong way", but soooooo are they. You are the mastermind behind their wicked ways and they can't even thank you for it. When will people realize that they can't do Godly things and satanic things and then call themselves children of God. There's a very fine line between "nobody's perfect". I've embraced my imperfection and have continued to go along with it. Instead of purposely doing shitty things and then blaming it on being imperfect. I'd like to be in a universe where people aren't mindless little drones that gobble up anything you tell them is the truth. Although we'll all know the truth when the end of the world gets here. And that's very soon I'm sure. The world has turned into one political toilet and the humans who really believe that stuff are just the unflushed piss and shit keeping that toilet company. When will they realize that you unholy lord are why there are human leaders? Even though I worship you I do believe in God. And God is also very angry at this world. But he made it and this is where we are. He is mad at his own creations and maybe some of us just don't think that's fair. Considering he gave us the ability to think anyhow for ourselves. It's like a huge game of chess being played all over the world. Only I don't wish to be one of the players anymore. That's all for now until the next letter.

Love,

Clawdette Smm Smm ❤

What's With all The Anal???

Hail Satan!!!! Hail Smm Smm!!!! I praise you dark and unholy Lord!!!!

Hello Satan!! Hi readers of which there are probably none 🎃!

Seriously what is with all this talk of sodomy coming from me the devil woman? Why is it every other week or day am I making so many anal sex jokes or posting word pictures about the forbidden sex!??? What the fuck is wrong with me? You may ask. I'll tell you what's wrong. I'm a fucking pervert 🎃. Two, it twas another experiment that has turned into another one of my things. And seriously who doesn't enjoy anal? It's funny. And I'm clown. I am all about funny. Oh and it hurts too sometimes 🎃🎃🎃🎃.

So ya know how I've mentioned plenty of times that only old people think my jokes are funny? The younger people just don't seem to get my jokes. I mean when I really look at it, they are corny but clean jokes. I always hated when ever I see a comedienne though, that they just can't fucking perform a comedy skit without telling the same old sex jokes, period jokes, and of course talking about vagina this vagina that. I never want to resort to that kinda thing just to get people to like my performances on stage or when I street perform. I think my skills are talented enough to intrigue people. But even if not I really don't care, because it doesn't stop me from continuing to do it.

So here's what I had decided to do. My joke telling online wasn't really getting a kick. Which I thought was funny. I'm like "I wouldn't like my corny jokes either" 😄😄😄. But one day I was just scrolling through spacebook and looking at the same old bullshit I usually see. And I'm like, I betcha if I told sex jokes people would getta kick outta that. And what's the funniest sex jokes but anal sex and blow job jokes. And wouldn't ya know almost everyone thinks it's funny. So basically adding sexual content to any joke makes it almost instantly funny these days. Rats! I liked my joke about the upside down cake 😒😒😒. So looking at my scale, I got more laughs telling anal jokes than spider jokes. Fuck this world!!!

Not only is it fun to joke about anal, but it's the best free birth control ever!!!! Sure sitting down might be painful for a few days, but think about it. You don't have to feel the pain of child birth instead! Satan wants you to practice sodomy. It's stress relieving for you and your partner. Even if your partner just happens to be a dildo, a pineapple, or gerbil or some other type of rodent 🐭. You'll never have to pull out again! Just wash really good before and after. God is just trying to keep you from this fun activity.* 🎈🎈🎈🎈🎃🎉🎉🌟✨

*these opinions were not determined by Mayonnaise Clinic. Please consult with your doctor before trying anal sex. Non doctor paid spokesclown 🎈

That's all for now!

Hail Satan! Hail Smm Smm!! Shemhanforash!!!!

Letters to Satan 3: It's not easy being Satanic

HAILLLLLL SATANNNNN!!!! DARK AND UNHOLY LORD I PRAISE YOU!!!

Dear Satan,

SIIIIIIIIIGH!!!!! It's totally not easy being satanic in a world where people don't realize that they are satanists too. Why won't people just embrace you and admit what they are like I have. They must be afraid of fake hell!!! Haha! You gave us all this fun stuff to do here on earth and we sinful souls can't help but to do it because it's our nature. So Satan, I have been smoking cigarettes for the past two months. Not constantly but in moderation. I used myself as an experiment to see what changes when you smoke cigarettes. So far here's what I have experienced:

1. You smell like cigarettes- No matter how much gum you chew and perfume or cologne you put on, you reek of lung suckers! Plus, when other people smell like them you can't even tell anymore.

2. They dry out your fucking nose and mouth!!!- Fuck do I ever have to moisturize my nostrils like a lunatic!! And now I get why my brother always had something to drink when he smoked. 🚬

3. You chisel your wallet!!!- Even though I don't feel the need to smoke, during this experiment it felt like every week and half I felt the need to buy a pack. Even though one pack lasted me a week in the beginning. Towards the end of this month, it was like a pack after 4 days! I coulda had a new tarantula by now!!!

4. Cigarettes made me more self aware- I don't know about most smokers, but I have felt a lot more down on myself and insecure during the experiment. Checking my teeth, sniffing my hair, using fucking eye drops. It's exhausting!! And I don't know if I should cheer or feel like crud, but I have gotten hit on a lot less.

Anyhow Satan, readers, the experiment is over. Now I can see from a smokers point of view and cough 😀. But all smokers are different. Like I said, I don't feel the need to smoke. I can smoke one day and not do it for the next two weeks. And not feel like I'm missing anything. Other than the 4 things I described above. Smoking definitely was brought to us by you Satan. I'll miss the 5 minute breaks at work 😞😞😞😞😞! I mean, why respect life anyhow if where just "going to die" 🎃🎃🎃. That was meant to be funny by the way. I also notice that most smokers usually call themselves "people of God". Hahaha! What a joke! According to God, killing yourself is a sin. The irony. Surrounded by oblivious Satanists who feel like they're worshipping God! 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃 That's all for now.

Hail Satan!!!! Hail Smm Smm!!! Shemhamforash!!!!!