Hailllll Satan!!! Real Satan! Praise the dark and holy Lord of this world!
Hola bonjour!
Spider here. The itsy bitsy fucking Spider. Today I'm going to explain why I can't just be this or I can't just be that. As you all know, I'm a clown. I started putting on the face paint however 5 years ago. You don't become a clown, you're born one. Now, there was a time in my life where I was really low low low about myself. So low, that dirt sat on top of me. As a little girl, I think I was a cute kid. People told me all the time so I just took their word for it. And when you're a kid, that kinda stuff never mattered to me. I can't say that for all. But when I went home, it was different. The Queen Bitch (my foster mother) would tell me otherwise. She has called me ugly or not so good looking more than she ever complimented me. Which was barely ever. As I grew into a teenager, well at least my feet did, that sorta thing started to matter. I was thirteen when I really started to enter the "lovely" world of puberty. It got from "tra-la-la cartoons!" to "tra-la-la cartoons and do I look too flat chested in this dress?" sorta thing. I'll be honest, I wasn't as ugly as a teenager as I saw, but I wasn't much to look at. I was definitely part of the loser's club. Maybe even the president. Always wore unflattering geeky clothes or everything was baggy. I hid under a hoodie all the time even in the summer time. Moving along, then I am now a woman (snort). And I look different from then. I found confidence somehow and can now feel amazing and do amazing things. I realized what my foster mother and foster sisters said was all because they were jealous. They knew that I had so much energy and drive and even though I have an extremely wild imagination, that whatever I wanted and whatever I wanted to be, I was gonna do it. Oh and when someone makes it a point to make fun of your looks everyday and night, when nothing is wrong with you, then it's blatantly due to jealousy. Oh and you can't spell jealousy without LOUSY.
I left that hellhole at 17. Made my way back and forth from town to town in eastern PA and my city NYC. I ended up enrolling myself in a Job Corp center just to take on a trade. Ya know, learn a new skill that maybe I could turn into a career. I graduated. But yet something inside me wasn't really all about electrical. I was too silly for that shit! Fuck, I even graduated from a no longer existing IT school and have an associates in Computer Networking and I don't even remember half that shit.
I wanted to pursue so many careers. I first wanted to be a volcanologist. I still do 😄. Then I wanted to be a science teacher. Then I wanted to do voice acting and I still do. Something about bringing a cartoon to life with my voice sounds incredible. Now I'm a sideshow clown street performing wise ass, trying to move up on the circus scale. I don't mind starting off small like this. No one just hands Spider opportunities ya know. It has never worked that way for me. When you start off from the bottom, you get laughed at and teased and called a wannabe. Oh well. 🎃. I'm not even trying to be famous. I just wanna do circus work everyday of my life. I like that most people don't know who I am. I'm kinda in the shadows ya know. Like "Who's Clawdette Smm Smm? Who's "Fangs" The Clown?! Who is this girl???"
There's not a day that goes by that people don't tell me to be a model, do theatre, am I a comedienne, why am I not a voice actress. With those very words, I know I'm more than an electrician, IT chick, clerk, or whatever lousy job I had to support myself. I like to make people laugh. I like the attention. I like to turn my pain into something special. Like doing dangerous things for applause or sickened reactions. I like being me. And whenever people ask me why I can't just do something regular, I'm gonna send them to this entry link. Cuz I don't want to. I wanna do what my satanic soul tells me. And if that mean impaling myself with swords and staple guns, then alright!!! And all of you, my readers of which there are probably none, should do what your soul says too. As long as it's not hurting anybody, then do it. 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
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